How to Talk About Sex

It`s funny how virtually everything around us suggests sex, from ads to music, and movies, yet we still find it difficult to discuss sex with our partners, friends, or even teach our children about it. But whether we like it or not, we need to talk about sex because communication is part of having good sex. We should be open to talking about the kind of sex we want, and how we can improve it. Normalizing silence on sex-related conversations is settling for suboptimal sex, which is far from healthy. Conversations around sex have emotional, psychological, mental, ad physiological benefits. Of course, intimate conversations about sex go way beyond pleasure. It entails sexual health, frequency of sexual intimacy, how to deal with differences in what partners enjoy, how to explore unknowns, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), birth control, among other issues. Avoiding these essential conversations would mean endangering your health and forfeiting the amazing future you hoped for.

No doubt, there are conversations about sex that are outright difficult to handle, however, avoiding them has grave consequences. So you`ve got to own your sexual health. These facts may help you take sex talks more seriously:

• Nearly every sexually active person will get the human papillomavirus (HPV) at some point.
• Syphilis cases have risen sharply since the early 2000s.
• 1 in 8 HIV-positive people is ignorant of their status.
• About 44% of people between ages 13 and 24, usually don’t know they are infected with HIV.
• Chlamydia can cause prostate gland infection in men and infertility in women.

Safe Sex and Birth Control

If you and your partner agree not to use condoms, then you need to talk about birth control. There are a number of birth control options to choose from, however, you`re advised to speak with your doctor about what options are right for you. We`ll take a quick look at three common types of birth control.

Reversible Birth Control

Also called temporary birth control, it entails using barrier methods such as condoms, diaphragms, or cervical caps to prevent sperm from reaching the egg. Reversible birth control could also involve mechanical methods that prevent implantation. An example of this is the intrauterine device (IUD) that prevents implantation of a fertilized egg in the uterus. Lastly, there are hormonal methods like the pill that interferes with a woman’s menstrual cycle so that ovulation doesn`t occur.

Permanent Birth control

Available for women and men, this birth control method includes tubal ligation for women and vasectomy for men. Some people also put inserts in the fallopian tubes.

Emergency Contraception

This birth control method is done after unprotected sex. It may entail hormonal treatments like morning pills or inserting a copper IUD within five days of unprotected intercourse.

Sexual Consent

Both parties should consent to have sex. Having long-term sexual relations doesn`t translate to permanent consent. Sexual consent is an agreement to engage in sexual activity. In essence, before being sexual with anyone who is of age, you need to know if they want to be sexual with you too, and this has to be clearly communicated before you take any sexual action. Consenting entails respecting boundaries, and without consent, sexual activity of any form is assault or rape. Consent is easy as FRIES:

Freely Given

People should consent freely without pressure and manipulation. It should also be without the influence of drugs or alcohol, as people who aren`t in their right state of mind can`t give consent.

Reversible

A person can consent to a sexual activity now and change their mind the next minute or whenever. So yes, consent is reversible. It could be an outright turndown or a change in activity agreed to engage in.

Informed

The terms of any proposed sexual engagement have to be clear. Your partner needs to know what exactly you want and how you intend to do them. For instance, will you be wearing condoms? If yes, you should keep to it after they grant you consent.

Enthusiastic

Never feel pressured to satisfy anyone to the detriment of your pleasure or interest. Consent should stem from your enthusiasm to engage in a sexual act, else feel free to turn the offer down.

Specific

Consent should be based on specificity. Agreeing to an act isn`t the same as consenting to other acts. So yes, your partner may consent to kiss, however, they may not consent to sex.

If you ever feel sexually coerced by a partner or anyone, speak with your doctor or social worker about it.

How to Respectfully Discover Likes and Dislikes

You don`t want your sex life to be all about endurance and partner-pleasing. Speak with your partner about the activities you love, the ones you don`t, and all that is in between. Talks like this require some level of trust and confidence, and you need to summon them.

You may have these conversations during sex or at other times. Note, however, that conversations about your dislikes are better at neutral times when there`s no lovemaking going on. Be open to your partner about your desires, orgasm troubles, if you have any, or whatever else you`ve struggled with in your sex life. Of course, this is not all about you, so listen to your partner too. By all means, avoid playing the blame game. Be respectful in discussing these issues, and be honest without hurting your partner with your expressions. Be as open as you need to, so that you both can deal with the issues together.

How Often Do you and your Partner Want Sex?

As odd as the conversation may be, couples should talk about the frequency of sex and how to fit it into their busy schedules. It`s not uncommon to find partners who feel unsatisfied because they’re not having enough sex or because they feel pressured to have sex more often than they’d like. Timing is also as important as frequency. Some people prefer morning sex, while others would rather have it at night. So you might just want to consider a calendar compromise.

Some Amazing Sex Facts

• Sex increases immunity to pain because orgasms trigger hormones that increase the pain threshold.
• Sex is great for curing headaches.
• While the average male orgasm lasts six seconds, females may have orgasms that last up to 20 seconds or more.
• Masturbation reduces the chances of having diabetes and insomnia.
• Contrary to popular belief, masturbation does not cause blindness, cancer, or hairy palms.
• With a whopping 8,000, the clitoris has double the nerve endings on the penis.
• People who have sex at least three times a week tend to look 5-7 years younger.
• It`s difficult to urinate immediately after sex because an anti-diuretic hormone is released when one orgasms.
• Some women orgasm in about four minutes through masturbation, meanwhile, may take up to 20 minutes during intercourse.
• There are women who orgasm easier through nipple stimulation.
• Stimulating the clitoris effectively may entail by rubbing it gently with the fingers, palm, or tongue, depending on your partner`s choice.
• On average, you can burn 100 calories in a sex session.
• Some studies claim that women who take hormonal contraceptives have higher chances of being attracted to men who have less physical masculine characteristics.
• During orgasm, the average heart beats 140 beats per minute.
• The inner nose swells during sex.